


fate

by eunkong



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, I have no idea how to tag, M/M, lapslock, other members are only mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24481219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eunkong/pseuds/eunkong
Summary: Amor Fati – “Love Your Fate”, which is in fact your life.- Friedrich Nietzsche
Relationships: Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Moon Bin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	fate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moonlitdrive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitdrive/gifts).



> for @moonlitdrive in hopes to make them feel a little bit better. get well soon <3
> 
> uhh not proof read cause i have work in 5 hours. gotta sleep sorry. 
> 
> tw//  
> slight mention of panick attack in 2018, if this is triggering for you please skip it.

23rd july 2002 (4 y.o. bin - 5 y.o. dongmin)  
the day was more than beautiful. the weather was good, the sun shining, no clouds in sight.  
happy voices could be heard from the playground, where kids played with slides and sand, while their care takers sat conversing or reading while watching over their children.  
little bin was busy playing with his tiny skate board, trying to make sense of how it moved, while his little sister, sua, played with the sand.  
it was peaceful. then he felt the need to pee, and he was so prideful for not peeing his pants even once since he was young (he is still young but don't tell him that) so he ran to his mother, who told one of her friends to look after sua while she took him to the bathroom.  
after washing his hands, they went back to where they were but something was wrong.  
sua was sitting in the sand pit crying loudly while some boys fought above her. he ran to his precious little sister and hugged her while his mom talked to the fighting boys.  
when everything was settled down, he learned that one boy pushed sua, she fell and started crying, so another boy stood up for her.  
bin felt immensely grateful for that boy he didn't know, and vowed to protect his sua forever.  
when his mom decided they were to go home, he asked her to buy the brave boy ice cream to thank him, after all bin was a well raised boy. his mom agreed. they went together to give the boy the ice cream. he was shy and reluctant to take it.  
bin's mom asked the boy about his name, and the boy, with his chubby cheeks and high nose, answered in a very tiny voice, "dongmin."

1st september 2004 (6 y.o. bin - 7 y.o. dongmin)  
bin was crying.  
his tears were falling from his eyes without control while he ran beside his dad who carried sua into the hospital.  
his mom had gotten into a car accident. he didn't get the details but his dad was panicked, his little mind knew that this is huge, this is dangerous, so he cried.  
he sat with his family in the waiting room while his mom went through operation after operation. he and his sister cried themselves to sleep. it was a pitiful sight. a whole distraught family waiting for a word from the surgeons.  
this went on for two whole days, people came and went by not giving them attention.  
when his mom finally, finally, got discharged and was allowed to go home, they were all very exhausted, to the point his dad almost got into another accident while driving home.  
he almost ran over a red light, which resulted in a man, who was crossing the street with his son, to give a talking to his dad through the window.  
bin hated it. hated the hospital, the car, the red light, the man and his son. he just wanted to gk home and feel safe.  
when the man finished talking he apologized to bin's dad for being rude.  
"i'm sorry i was harsh. you have a son so you know how it feels like to fear for him. please drive safely." the man turned to leave.  
"let's go dongminnie."

30th march 2007 (9 y.o. bin - 10 y.o. dongmin)  
shooting was exceptionally long and tiring today.  
bin usually enjoyed photoshoots, he loved wearing different clothes and posing for camers. he loved being praised. they called him "model prodigy". he didn't know what that meant but his mom's face glowed with pride so he loved that nickname more than anything else.  
today was his first shoot for that big company and he was so tired. he was alone, his usual friends didn't sign the same contract this time, so he was bored. and they had him go through thirty different outfits at least!  
his mom sensed his sour mood while in the car going home, so she decided to drop by his favorite restaurant to make it up to him. he was only a kid after all.  
that did the trick. he was excited to eat his favorite food (meat) but once they got inside he heard the songs playing. apparently it was someone's birthday. he tried peeking in to see throught the crowd of kids bigger than him but couldn't, so he resigned to getting a seat with his mom and trying not to be so jealous that someone was having a biryhday party while he was working to death. (he loved modeling but he loved exaggerating even more)  
half way through their meal the famous birthday song played and they all sang with it.  
bin saw the back of the biryhday boy's head.  
the balloons on the wall read "happy 10th birthday"  
the kids sang "happy birthday dongmin"

20th december 2010 (12 y.o. bin - 13 y.o. dongmin)  
it was nearing christmas, which meant festive music and lights everywhere. everyone wearing red. lots of performances and warm songs being released. bin, as an idol trainee paid the most attention to the last part. he was still new at this, but he knew what he should pay attention to in the industry.  
right now, his company had a total of 8 trainees, 4 boys and 4 girls. he was happy to have his friends who worked with him for years, chanwoo and chanhee, joining the same company as him. also this kid called minhyuk who was a fantastic dancer quickly befriended all of them. as for the girls, his little sister, sua, and his friend and neighbor, eunbi, and two other girls, yoojung and doyeon, were all funny and friendly. he loved how it was at the moment. he wished they could debut like that.  
it was nearing christmas, and their company had a deal with a couple of schools to have a music festival everyday before christmas to encourage kids to apply as trainees. and who was better to preform at those festivals than the company's own trainees?.  
today it was suri middle school, or as they called it "nerds school".  
bin didn't make fun of nerds per say, he admired them, but he wasn't one of them. so he didn't expect any good performances from that particular school, and he was right. it was all so boring. after their performance (the only exciting part of the festival) he sat through two more performances- flute and chello, but then this girl started belting operatic notes and he was out of there. nope. no more. his friends tried convincing him to sit till the end but he choose to go in the company's car to play some games on his phone.  
the last thing bin heard while getting in the car was the introduction of the new kid performing.  
"next performance is a piano piece played by: lee dongmin!"

26th april 2012 (14 y.o. bin - 15 y.o. dongmin)  
dancing is fun! dancing was bin's favorite lesson while training. he loved it. he excelled at it too.  
if bin was given the choice he would probably ditch all other lessons and just dance the whole day, but he knew he needed to learn all lessons to make it to debut. that didn't stop him from spending all his free time dancing with minhyuk. he learned a lot from the boy, so much ballet and gazz and lots of other genres he couldn't even name but enjoyed nonetheless.  
that's what he was doing right now. dancing for fun with minhyuk.  
the door suddenly opened and one of the directors stepped in, so everyone stopped what they were doing and bowed for him.  
the man stood there for a second before looking at the door, a boy entered tentatively, his mouth in a shy smile and bowing to everyone in the room.  
bin's heart dropped to his feet. what is this angel doing here. he hadn't seen a single person looking better than this.  
the boy had chubby cheeks and wide sparkly eyes. his mouth was so pretty and his teeth looked good. how do teeth look good? that's not even possible.  
bin realized that he missed half of the director's words, just cam to in time to hear him assigning him to look after the new trainee. him. bin. poor gay bin who couldn't stop his heart from beating out of his chest at the mere sight of the boy.  
he couldn't disagree though, so he just bowed and nodded.  
once the director was out of the room, bin turned to the music player and signaled to minhyuk to continue dancing with him.  
out of the corner of his eye he could see the boy standing there awkwardly, everyone dancing or talking around him, sweaty not-shaved teenage boys in shabby clothes, he looked so out of place, he looked like a prince surrounded by peasants.  
after a while the boy left the room and bin could breath normally again. he hoped the boy could find his way around the company without his help.  
he turned to minhyuk, "what was the new boy's name again?"  
minhyuk looked at him strangely, "lee dongmin?"  
bin sighed. and tried the name on his tongue.  
"lee dongmin." 

1st may 2015  
the room smelled of worry, anticipation and fear. all of fantagio's trainees were gathered to see what the executive director will announce today. rumors went around that they will debut a 7 member boy group, and every boy in the room wished to make the lineup.  
bin was not different. he stood there between his friends praying he would make it. other trainees would say he didn't need to worry, as he is the oldest trainee and they would prioritize him for sure, but he wasn't so sure. he had a bigger chance, yes, but it wasn't cemented.  
he looked to his right, there stood minhyuk, seemingly unbothered, but bin knew he was just as anxious. minhyuk, his longest friend, how he wished they would make it together.  
to his left stood dongmin, trembling, his eyes closed. he looked so worried, the complete opposite of minhyuk. bin's heart hurt for him. he worked so hard for this, he deserved this spot. but then again, all trainees did.  
the director started talking, a long boring speech that he tuned out of to look around him one more time. most of the boys here are his friends, but would he like to live with them, work with them, consider them a team, love them. he didn't know.  
he wished for the competition lineup though, they were seven and they worked so well together, so why not? he had his best friends in that lineup too. that would be heaven.  
finally, after what semmed like ages, the director announced that they will debut a boy group. a six member boy group.  
bin was dumbfounded. odd numbers were always better for choreographies. also that means no to the competition lineup. there was seven of them.  
slowly the director started announcing the names, his name, moon bin, came first, he felt like crying.  
but then came the rest of the names, park minhyuk, park jinwoo, lee dongmin, yoon sanha, kim myungjun.  
oh. oh.. that was a dream come true. he couldn't breath. just stood there frozen. some of them yelled happily. some trainees congratulated them. some were angry about not making it.  
moon bin though was in another world. his dream came true. he is touching his dream with his own hands.  
he made it. he will be a singer.  
with his oldest friend, park minhyuk.  
and his best friend, his crush, lee dongmin.

23rd february 2016 (18 y.o. bin - 19 y.o. dongmin)  
staff members ran everywhere, people shouted for things to get fixed, everyone was frantic.  
it was 15 minutes till their debut showcase.  
astro. a six member kpop group.  
bin looked around him while a manager tapped his mic to his face, this was his reality now.  
at the far corner of the room he spotted mj. he was so nervous his face was almost white, he did breathing exercises to calm himself.  
sitting on a chair revising lyrics was their leader, jinjin, whom bin turned his life a living hell and never obeyed him, but he was always grateful to his help.  
stretching together was the maknae line, rocky and sanha, both were cracking jokes to lighten the atmosphere while waiting for their cue to go on stage.  
bin searched for the last member with his eyes, where was eunwoo? he sneaked out of the room to look for him, ah, here he is.  
eunwoo was practicing the choreography one last time. he was always one step behind them in dancing so he made up for it with extra effort.  
bin put a hand on his arm and the poor boy got startled so bad.  
bin smiled, "hey hey it's just me."  
dongmin heaved a big sigh and went in for a hug, burying his face into the crook of bin's neck before remembering that he has makeup on and just laying his head there.  
"i'm scared binnie."  
"relax. it's not our first performance. you did amazing in all previous ones. nothing different today."  
"we will be alright, won't we?"  
"yeah. we will do amazing."  
bin smiled and hugged him tighter, at least they were together.  
at least he had his boyfriend beside him.  
he had dongmin. 

27th august 2017 (19 y.o. bin - 20 y.o. dongmin)  
after a long promotional period for their 4th mini album, and before they started preparing for their 5th one, the boys got a chance to have a 3 days break, and finally, finally, bin and dongmin had a chance to go drink together.  
they have been waiting for this for forever. since dongmin came of age he didn't have time, so when bin became an official adult they were determined to make the best of their first break.  
it was a calm night. little people in the streets. lots of starts in the sky.  
they choose a hole-in-the-wall place that they frequented with the rest of their group and their manager to eat.  
eating and laughing with dongmin was already a healing time for bin, add drinking and letting loose to the combination and he would call it a perfect date.  
at the end of the night, while walking home, under the influence of alcohol, bin reached for dongmin's hand, sqeezing it tightly then holding it close to his mouth.  
dongmin looked around, there was no one around them and they were wearing hoodies, so he let go, smiled at bin and let himself enjoy the moment.  
they were not drunk, per say, they were just a little intoxicated, and apparently intoxicated bin meant romantic bin.  
"you know, dongminnie," bin's heart was warm, "i think we were destined to be together."  
dongmin chuckled, "how is that?"  
"i don't know. i feel like i knew you in my past life. like you complete my missing pieces."  
"i don't think you had any missing piece to begin with."  
"stop being a smartass. you know what i mean."  
dongmin loved teasing his boyfriend, looking at his rose dusted cheeks and star filled eyes.  
"i think so too."  
bin's smile was so big.  
dongmin continued, "it's been a while since you called me that."  
"called you what?"  
"dongminnie."  
bin kissed the palm of dongmin's hand softly.  
"i love you, dongminnie."

8th june 2018  
it was no secret that this year was the hardest on astro. it has taken a toll on all of them.  
bin suffered, like the rest of the members. but bin suffered cause in the midst of all the chaos he needed dongmin beside him, but he wasn't there.  
dongmin had the most solo work in 2018.thay pressured him to no end. bin felt that. so he didn't mention how much dongmin's absence affected him, until one night, when it was all revealed.  
it was the same day they knew they will release a special album, also bin got an offer to appear ona variety show, he felt so relieved. after all of this they will finally be back. for some reason that caused him to collapse.  
as soon as he got home he cried till he lost his voice and his eyes were bloodshot. he almost had a panick attack, and whatever the members did to calm him, they couldn't.  
jinwoo couldn't do anything except call the manager, who was with dongmin on yet another solo schedule, knowing that dongmin will do anything possible to drop work and come home instantly.  
luckily the shoot was already ending. when they got home after an hour, bin has passed out from exhaustion.  
while the manager discussed what happened with jinwoo, dongmin sat beside bin, the boy looked aweful, he noticed beads of sweat on his temple and tried to wipe them only to find out the boy was burning.  
they took him to the hospital, jinwoo and dongmin helped him walk while the manager drove and talked to the doctor.  
it was nothing serious, just a psychogenic fever from stress and crying.  
dongmin sat beside him for hours, applying cold compresses, till his temperature got back to normal. just then he woke up, drank water, and seemed more human.  
bin's feelings were disoriented, but dongmin, bless him, sat with him all night. loved him all night. made him feel better. made him believe that everything will be alright again.  
bin knew dongmin had his own doubts, but believed him nonetheless. cause they will get through this together. they went trough worse, and at the end of the day they were there for each other.  
when sun rose, dongmin's alarm rang, he had another full day. bin felt guilty. dongmin will be tired all throughout the day because of him, but dongmin reassured him that he needed this night as much as bin did, kissed him softly, told him he could ditch sleep everyday if it meant bin will feel better.  
when dongmin was at the door, bin reached out for the back of his shirt, dongmin turned around, "do you need anything, binnie?"  
bin smiled, and asked in shaky voice, "we will be like this forever, right?"  
dongmin closed the door again, circled bin's waist with his arms, took him in his warm embrace, "of course binnie." he breathed bin's scent, "you are not just my boyfriend, i was made to love you, you are my soulmate."  
and even though bin usually cringed at such words, today he took them into his heart, locked them there to look at them whenever he needs to.  
"i'm so lucky to have you, dongmin." 

5th may 2019  
the boys were having so much fun, they landed in germany in the morning, ate a bunch of delicious food, had rehearsals, went shopping, ate some, in conclusion; they were having the time of their lives.  
while having their hair and makeup done, being the hyper group they are, they decided to go live and play a little, it was overall such an enjoyable day.  
talking, playing, singing (off tone), harmonizing, just the normal things astro do on every live, except this time eunwoo called them.  
now, this might seem normal to anyone watching, it /was/ normal, he didn't go with them so he called them, it wasn't the first time even, but bin knew it wasn't normal when he saw dongmin wearing that necklace, the necklace he gifted him on his first birthday, the sole materialistic symbol of bin's love for him. he also noticed how shy dongmin seemed, covering his face with the back of his hand and having this little beautiful smile.  
bin knew dongmin missed him. he could read the signals.  
bin was, is, one hundred percent in love. and will forever be.  
however, their company had put a couple of restrictions on them, as they garnered more attention, they wanted to protect them, no need for unnecessary rumores, so they were told to lay low, interact with the other members more.  
dongmin was full on abiding by the rules, while bin was always the rebellious one, so even though he listened, he still loved putting dongmin in the spot sometimes, like now. telling him they (read: he) needed him there, that they can't do without him and the infamous:  
"sleep well, irim-ah."  
the moment they finished the broadcast, which was on his phone, it rang. he laughed, he, and probably all the members knew this was coming.  
he picked up already laughing.  
"bin-ah." dongmin was whining, his voice sleepy and cute.  
"why, dongminnie? do you need anything?" acting innocent was a second nature to him.  
"binnie~" he was outright whining, and bin was about to melt from his cuteness.  
"is my little baby upset? why is dongminnie upset?"  
even though dongmin was elder, sometimes he loved being babied, and bin was always here for it.  
"i miss you."  
"yeah i saw that." his voice turned serious, and much softer.  
"how?"  
"you are wearing the necklace."  
"oh.. are you still upset i don't wear it often?"  
"no. i get it. you are a private person, you want to keep this private. i respect that."  
"i love you so much."  
"i know that too."  
"are you enjoying germany?"  
"very much. we couldn't see enough because of our limited time but i love it here. i wish you were here though.."  
dongmin giggled, "so i can talk in english?"  
"no minnie.. we don't travel together as much lately, i miss experiencing new things with you."  
"we still have a lot of time to see the whole world together. enjoy for now and next time i promise i will be there."  
"hmm i will."  
"when is your performance?"  
"after an hour or so. you can't sleep?"  
"yeah. it's been long since i slept alone."  
"do you want me to sing you to sleep?"  
"i have the best boyfriend ever."  
"you deserve that and more, dongmin." 

13th may 2020 (22 y.o. bin - 23 y.o. dongmin)  
tears. that's all bin could see at the moment. his own tears and his teammates' tears.  
he always knew they were an emotional group. happy and lively but so easy to cry.  
those tears though, happy tears. they were so happy they could fly if they wanted.  
once they got off stage after getting their second ever win, they cried even more while receiving congratulations from their staff.  
a group hug is necessary in these times, and a bunch of encouraging words from jinwoo. they worked hard. they deserved this.  
they changed clothes, knowing they still have to film "on the way home" show, then go live for their dear aroha.  
bin excused himself to go to the toilet, in there he washed his face, trying to make himself look more presentable.  
when he turned to go out the door opened. dongmin walked in, closed the door, and bin knew what was coming, so he opened his arms widely.  
yup. he got an armful of dongmin, who was still sniffling from time to time.  
they stood there, not talking, not doing anything, just stood in each other's arms, absorbing the moment.  
after a while, came a knock on the door combined with jinwoo's voice, "binnie we are leaving."  
"yeah hyung. i'm coming."  
he rubbed dongmin's lower back, "min, let's go?"  
dongmin didn't talk, just nodded.  
the filming was downstairs, in the garage, in front of that coffee truck.  
all the way going there, bin kept his arm around dongmin's waist, or a hand on his lower back, ignoring the obvious looks from their manager.  
during the show, bin was more careful, putting his hand on dongmin's shoulder and not keeping it there for long. squeezing his arm from time to time. putting his hand on the small of his back only for a few seconds when he thinks the camera isn't focused on them. just a simple touch to ground dongmin, to keep him from crying again. and from the way dongmin leaned towards him whenever he cut contact, he knew it worked.  
finally home, after their live broadcast, they took quick showers one after the other. when bin finished he went straight to dongmin's room. the later was under his blanket already, so bin slipped behind him and hugged him close to his chest.  
dongmin turned to bin, and bin heaved a sigh of relief, he wasn't crying, he had a small smile on his lips.  
"are you okay?" bin whispered.  
"i'm fine. more than fine. i'm so happy."  
"oh baby," he placed a light kiss on dongmin's nose. "i wish this happiness could last forever."  
dongmin tucked his head under bin's chin, making himself smaller to fit all of him inside bin's embrace. this is his place. this is where he belongs.  
bin caressed his cheek softly, raising his chin back up to peck his lips, another peck, then a deeper kiss. he tried to memorize the moment, he wished he could stop the time. he had everything he could ask for at the moment.  
the feel of dongmin's lips sliding against his was heavenly, addictive. they didn't part till they needed to catch their breath, and even then, they kept coming back for small pecks.  
"i love you. i love you, lee dongmin."  
"i love you too, binnie. one day, let's get married."  
bin's heart thudded violently, he knew dongmin was vulnerable at the moment, and vulnerable dongmin meant honest dongmin who had no filter. he probably didn't plan to say that and will get embarrassed about it later.  
bin's eyes started filling with tears.  
"yes, min. one day, let's get married."

when you ask bin about his first impression of dongmin, he will spout poetry about dongmin's beauty, and how breathless he felt when dongmin walked into that practice room, however, his real first impression of the boy was that brave boy protecting his little sister in the playground, he just didn't know that.  
he didn't know fate brought them together countless of times before they officially met, and fate won't stop bringing them together, whether in this life, or for how many more lives to come.

**Author's Note:**

> this thing wrote itself. i have no idea how it happened. it just did.


End file.
